ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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