booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize