I feel great
I just peed on a car
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
