Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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