he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
