3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
