one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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