I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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