I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
