omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
