If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
