nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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