I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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