Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
