I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize