There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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