let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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