I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
