If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize