i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
