I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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