I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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