i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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