I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
