i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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