I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
