I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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