If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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