Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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