I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
