i need an iv and a liver transplant
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
