i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
