hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They took my balls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
