May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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