Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
