He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
