Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
