Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
