i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
