Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
