DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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