this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
