i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
