Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
