you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
