found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
