Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
