how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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