Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
