It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my being single is dangerous.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
