thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
