I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
