just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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