I want to have your abortion
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
