oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
