Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
vagina is talking i cant
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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