I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
a search helicopter?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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