Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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