I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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