At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
