hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
