oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
