I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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