if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
