That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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