you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
