Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
