You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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