You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
