No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
