I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
