i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
