Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
