You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
