Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
